And This is the Way the World Ends...

...Not with a bang, but a whimper. Which, I'd say, is a pretty apt description of how I'm feeling.

Tomorrow I resume lectures at university, and there's no hiding it - I am, quite frankly, terrified. After my experiences last semester, my already low confidence levels in my abilities dwindled dramatically. I am painfully aware that I lack the experience and skill that a lot of my course mates possess, and unfortunately, to get the best results possible, it's best to put those with the experience in the important roles. This leaves those of us with the lesser knowledge unable to gain the experience necessary to match our peers, and so I worry that I'll just be floating around in the background.

I have resolved, however, that whilst I'll be taking a back seat to the tasks I once thought I'd greatly enjoy, that I will do what is within my power to raise my knowledge and capabilities outside the world of academia. I'll be taking my camera on various outings to practice with it, for example, and I plan on badgering group members to see if they'll let me watch as they go about their tasks - editing, for example, whilst not a skill I aspire to owning, will nevertheless be useful in the long run.

My current largest worry, with the impending lectures, is that I will struggle to enjoy them, as happened last semester, or that I will visibly struggle in front of my peers when embarking on the practical aspects which I know of the lectures will contain. This is where I must grit my teeth and simply do my best, whilst hoping I won't be the only one who isn't just naturally inclined towards all of the skills we will be learning and practicing. A particularly large hurdle in my improvement is that I am always nervous when observed doing things - with the exception of singing, during which I revel in the performance.

On a slightly more positive note, I returned to my university flat this Saturday, and found I settled back in rather easily. I had thought I would miss all of the comforts of my bedroom at home, but found that when absorbed in my computer or some other form of entertainment that it barely mattered. I also feel as though I've had better sleep the past few days than my last few at home - be that down to unnecessary worry or simply coincidence I'm not sure.

It is now a fortnight into 2013, and I can happily say that I have actually been somewhat successful with my new year's resolutions: I haven't had any Mountain Dew since well before New Years, and I have been eating better - and fully plan to continue doing so. This is my second blog within the fortnight, and so I can say that I have been blogging more often already. My final resolution, that of flattening my stomach, is one I have yet to start, but I haven't had much of a chance - such things don't happen overnight, after all. Once I have settled into a routine with university work and general life, I will work in my efforts to improve my physical appearance.

This particular blog post has been a rather worry-strewn, emotional piece, and so I must thank you, the reader, for reading all the way through my concerns, which may one day seem petty even to me. And with that, I believe I have run out of things to talk about, and so I bid you farewell.

Turn End,
Devan