Wow. So, in two days time it'll be 2013 - a whole new year. I can't decide whether this year has flown by for me or not. For some reason I would like a bit more time in 2012, but at the same time, I think quite a lot has happened in the space of this year - both good and bad things. Let's start at the very beginning (as it's a very good place to start):
I welcomed 2012 with open arms, sat in my university accommodation with the guy I rushed into a relationship with in late December, 2011. I hadn't wanted to go back to my hometown at all for that holiday, and rushed back to uni as soon as I could. It was quite a cosy new years celebration, I guess you could say, sat in the living room/kitchen with a glass of Schloer (I don't drink, you see).
Then the second semester of work started, and for the most part it was all good fun. One trend I did pick up on, however, is that most of the workload was being done by myself and the person who would become my flatmate for this year of university.
During my first semester there, I thoroughly enjoyed my time, and was in a good mood almost constantly - I had needed to get away from home, and moving to university came at just the right time. After entering into the relationship I previously mentioned, however, I started to cool down about the troubles I had staying at home, which was useful, as it meant I had less difficulty with the idea of going back home, however, I started to enjoy living in the house at uni less and less.
Looking back, I wish I hadn't felt it was the fault of my housemates as I had at the time - I am just a walking talking emotional roller-coaster, I don't think now that they ever once had anything to do with my bad moods. So if either of them are reading this - my apologies for how stupidly I may have acted towards you at any point last year.
Soon, the Easter/Summer holidays arrived. With no exam period on my course, easter merged straight into summer for me, so from April I was freed from university work. Having come to terms now with going home, I was happy to return, and in fact found that I missed the friends from my hometown a lot and loved being reunited with them. I also began to realise just how quickly I had entered into my relationship, and that actually I didn't feel that it would work out - so, he ended it. It may sound cruel, but I was relieved to be free of that commitment, because I knew I would just end up hurting him in the long run, and wasn't really enjoying my time.
In May, during my favourite bi-annual event, my ex's bad response to our break up meant that I could barely enjoy myself at the event, as he attended too, and every time he saw me, gave me the foulest look I have ever seen on a person's face. In hindsight, I realised how stupid I had been to allow his bad attitude to ruin my weekend, as in actual fact the event had been rather enjoyable, and I made some fantastic new friends, who I still talk to and am very close with today.
In late May, my father came to me with a proposal about his workplace - and I soon found myself with a job. This was the first time I had ever had a proper job, and I was terrified that I would slip up in my mannerisms, or perform badly, or some other such misfortune. Despite this, I made myself walk in with confidence every day, and soon found that my superiors were impressed with the work I did - even when I could pick a hundred faults in it. Everyone there was very friendly and very nice to me, and I soon felt confident enough to actually ask for opinions or clarifications on things - an action which I still struggle with at university. The only downside to this job is that it was a week-long 9-5 affair, meaning my free time was limited to the weekends, or the occasional day off, which were surprisingly easy to get if I asked soon enough.
Sometime in August, I believe it was, my old housemates and I reunited to take a short holiday to Cardiff. We had great fun in the city, which was walking distance from our hotel, and the sun shone for the entire 3 days we were there, which was certainly a bonus. We were also really close to Cardiff Bay, which meant getting to the Doctor Who Experience was a walk in the park - and that is certainly one of the best days of my life. The Experience is in two parts - an 'adventure' with the Doctor, and then an exhibition of props and costumes from the show.
As an individual with a big imagination, I thoroughly enjoyed the 'adventure' segment - being genuinly terrified at parts (there was a large room filled with weeping angels, with the lights flickering on and off. My fellow whovian housemate and I clung to each other, staring desperately at the statues as we walked past.). There was even a part where you got to 'fly' the Tardis, with several 'controls' spread around the console. One of these controls was free, but I was stuck across the other side of the room - the others in the room must have seen the desperation on my face, as they let me pass to operate it. All in all, that is not a week I'll forget in a hurry.
Soon, September rolled around, and with it the restart of university. I entered into my second year with a new flat, a new flatmate, and the same enthusiasm with which I had begun the course. I was eager to begin the work, but found a lot of planning work needed to be done beforehand.
As the semester went on, I found the work harder and harder to do, certain group members weren't performing well at their roles, and in general my enjoyment of the course lessened.
In truth, I'm still struggling to talk about this past semester without getting upset about it, as it feels as though the dreams I built up in my first year are crumbling around me. I find myself still to be greatly behind my course mates, skill-level-wise, and I am not capable of being authoritative - meaning that when I had roles within a group which put me in charge, other group members easily questioned my instructions and only led my already small confidence to dwindle further.
Due to my struggle at Year 2: Semester 1, I rushed back to my hometown at the earliest possible opportunity, in stark contrast to a year ago. During the summer, my eldest brother moved out of our house into his own with his girlfriend of many years, which lead me to wonder what would become of Christmas this year. It was actually quite a novel experience, as our family, and his girlfriend's family all piled into his house for the day. It didn't go entirely to plan as he was ill for half the day, having eaten something odd the night before. Thankfully he was able to join us for the lunch he was supposed to be cooking, and began to feel better over that.
So that's my year in a nutshell, with its positives and its negatives laid out. I hope that the new year will bring with it more positives than negatives, and I hope that I am able to rebuild my confidence with university. This year, I feel, will be focused on me trying to succeed at just one major thing, be it university work, my relationships with those around me, or who knows what else the year may bring? So for now, here's some small New Year's Resolutions:
- Cut down on Mountain Dew. I first started drinking this in June, when my course mate (now flatmate) came to stay. (That was another great fun event that I didn't write about above, as I'd already written such a lot) Since then I have grown fonder and fonder of the drink, and delighted in the new flavours I've discovered. It is, however, getting to be unhealthy with how much of it I drink, so I'm going to cut down on it.
- Flatten my stomach. I'm aware, that I'm not fat, and I don't think that I need to lose weight. However, I have been uncomfortable with the shape of my stomach for pretty much my entire life, and given that in May I'll be donning a costume that is skin-tight, I think my confidence to walk out in public wearing it needs for my stomach to finally be flat.
- Eat properly. Anyone who knows a student, or is or has been a student, is well aware of the trap one falls into when it comes to food. There's often not time, or money, or you just can't be bothered to cook something, let alone cook something that could be considered healthy. This year I don't want to let workloads get in the way of my personal well-being - I've been super stressed, and apparently it's possible that my poor eating habits have aided the stress. Eating properly will also help with my second resolution.
- Blog more. When I actually take some time out to sit down and write things out on here, I find that I really enjoy it. My problem is I tend to forget that this is here, or I don't think I have anything to write about. Clearly, there have been plenty of events in the last year that I could have written about, so I will be trying to write more blogs. I find that writing everything down and publishing it so that people might see it is a good way of exerting some stress or an overload of emotion. Often I tend to bottle things up and writing them down is almost as good a relief as managing to tell someone what is going on in my mind.
So with those four monumental tasks set, (and yes, for me, those are large challenges) I wish everyone a happy new year and good luck with their own resolutions.
Turn End.
Devan.
